It's that time of year again.
Already?
I know.
Here comes the series of mental breakdowns,
and constantly feeling ill.
It all started with today.
Got the PLAN results back.. didn't do so well!
Taggert brings his back to his desk, scores a 30 out of 32.
I was pretty confident with myself, I didn't think I'd be too far behind him.
Yeah, didn't think I'd be as far behind as a 23.
Whoa! There it was. I didn't feel very good after that.
Next class! AP European History. SWEET.
In my opinion, I am terrible at this class.
Sure I can pull off an A every quarter, but that doesn't mean I'm learning anything.
Or even TRYING for that matter.
My priorities had shifted to AP Biology earlier in the year.
Therefore, instead of balancing the two as I should have, I left Euro on the back burner.
The WAY back burner.
While I spent hours on Biology each night, I spent about twenty minutes on AP Euro; figuratively speaking.
That probably contributed to my lack of confidence.
I can't pass any DBQs. My FRQs stink if I don't use the book. I'm never in the mood to study for that class.
Take last weekend for example.
A three day weekend.
I'm sitting at home, nothing to do (after I take the 80 question multiple choice test for AP Euro, which I scored a 40/80 on). Instead of studying for AP Euro like I promised myself I would, I pull out my biology book, promising myself I'd only make a FEW flashcards. Six hours later! I'm staring at a 2-inch stack of flash cards, wanting to wack myself in the head with my cursed biology book. Why does it have to be so interesting!!! It's not even that, I don't think. Well, yeah, it sort of is. But I think part of the reason I never study AP Euro would be because it intimidates me. I don't know the material as well as I do biology. I'm already so behind, I find no use in trying to catch myself up. Also, things in biology MAKE SENSE. I can imagine the things happening in my body as I do daily activities, and it helps me study. In Ap Euro, there are so many treaties and alliances and philosophers and laws and policies and blah blah blah blah blah! How am I supposed to remember all of that? Now, I'm sure that if it was my only AP class I could manage fine. But because I put it at the last of my priorities (as far as AP classes go), I am far behind my other classmates who have either made it their top, or have already mastered the skill of balance.
It is extremely frustrating. Not only that, but I beat myself up WAY more than I should.
Last year, when I had to take frequent bathroom trips during AP Human review sessions (to let out a burst of tears due to my stress), I promised that I wouldn't put myself through it again. However, when I got my test scores back in the summer, and saw I got a 5 on the test... I kinda forgot about all of the trouble I went through a few months earlier.
HAH. Now I remember!! Today marks the first tear (of many) because of stress.
Hello month of April. My worst enemy.
I can't imagine what my life will be like next year, with 6 IB classes.
Thinking about it makes me want to pass out.
I'm going to have to find some way to not stress out and do this to myself. Otherwise, I don't think I'll be able to put up with all of the work in the future.
To give you an example of how far ahead I think of things and stress about them.. Right now I'm thinking of quiting AP and IB and not even trying because by the time I get into college and have to take finals or other exams for classes... I don't think I'll be able to live. That sentence doesn't even make any sense.
My head hurts!
Good bye world. Until May 10th, that is.
